totally dependent....

This summer, being handicapped by the accident...having had a broken wrist and broken ankle, being wheelchair and walker bound with limited mobililty....I have been very dependent on others for lots of things.

I am not one who accepts help easily. I am sure that this is not a good thing :(
I'd much rather be the one giving help instead of receiving it. It is very humbling to be in the position of needing help for nearly everything....transportation, meals, laundry, house cleaning, the simple things in life, things so often taken for granted...the whole nine yards.

So there's been a lot of time to reflect...on the goodness of others. How total strangers will be so kind and compassionate and helpful. How wonderful my dear family members and precious friends have been to think of ways to help, to encourage, and done so with a smile on their face and joy in their heart. I am blessed with amazing family and friends and will forever remember the sweetness they have brought into this otherwise drab season of life.

I have a few weeks/months to go but I am starting to be able to do more. My wrist has healed, and I am using it quite fully and fairly normally. My ankle is still healing in some ways, yet is sturdy enough to be receiving my weight so yesterday I began taking first steps, and know that this will progress, too, in time, so that I can eventually be up and walking normally again. I thank God for this hope and for his healing, and how he has made our bodies to heal from severe trauma.

I am eager to regain normal living! I am eager to gain independence again - and who would fault me? No one, I'm sure!

Yet, I hope and pray that I will carry with me, the open eyes and open mindedness that continues to see things in a new light. That I may extend to those in need, the helpfulness and hope that my friends and family have extended to me. And that I might always slow down enough to take time to enjoy the friendships along the way, and to take the time to reach out. This summer God has given me a front row seat to pain and suffering and I want to use it for good.

So challenging....

And I also pray and hope that I will keep in some sense this sense of total dependency...upon God. This accident and the events of this summer have reminded me, that though I never really was in control of my life....I wanted to be and tried to be, and to a small degree, perhaps, even might have thought that I was - at least a little :) But I know now that I am definitely not in control of my life. I cannot foresee or alter what is coming at me....I can only accept and react as God would have me to respond.

Help me God - and keep me totally dependent....on YOU.